Communicating To Kids About Divorce

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Term Paper Title	Communicating To Kids About Divorce
# of Words	1325
# of Pages (250 words per page double spaced)	5.3

Communicating to Kids about Divorce

     A young child sits on his bed with tears rolling down his face.  His mother and father stare at him with a distraught look on their face.  The little boy asks,  "If parents stop being married, can they decide not to be a mommy or a daddy anymore?"  His mother leans over and gives the little boy a hug and replies,  "Your daddy and I just can't live together anymore, we still love you and we will always be your mommy and daddy."  This question, along with many others, are very common for young children to ask when they are told that their parents are going to get divorced.  How does one reply to such a question?  Looking into those big, tear filled eyes, it can be hard to explain.  The explanation that this mother gave was filled with love and compassion. Many parents to comfort children while explaining divorce use doublespeak and jargon.  Doublespeak is language that makes the bad seem good, and the negative appear positive (William Lutz, "The World of Doublespeak." 188).   There are many ways that parents can explain to their children that they are getting divorced.
Children usually know when their parents aren't happy and may feel confused about the situation.  Barb Clark, a divorce counselor and psychologist, suggests different ways to communicate to your children about divorce.  She recommends that children need to be told about the divorce before it happens (Divorce: Telling the Children.  http://web.tusco.net/pfcs/prog%2033.htm).    However, many parents fail to tell their children that a divorce is in the near future.  For instance, John Lewis and his wife Phylis decided to get a divorce after several years of marriage.  Their son Brian was 14 years of age at the time of this decision.  Phylis one night packed her bags and left the house, without any explanation to her son about her leaving.  The next morning, John sat Brian down and explained that they were getting a divorce.  Although Brian was at a mature age, it still didn't make sense to him and he was very disappointed.  Could this have been because it happened all so suddenly with out pre-warning?
     Brian happened to be at a more developed stage in his life when this event occurred, however, some children are at a very young age and a parent's choice of words are important while explaining divorce.  M. Gary Neuman, therapist and author of "Are You Getting Divorced," explains that depending on your child's age, detail should be minimal.  He says th...

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